YOWIE WOWIE Guys and Gals! DNezz here and we are getting ready to cover tonight’s Season Premiere of Raw. We are only one week removed from the WWE Superstar Draft and we are set to see how the landscape will shift as a bevy of new talent make their way to the Red Brand. We are roughly 30 minutes out from showtime and if you’re worried that you won’t be able to catch all of the action, just keep that browser tab open to Bodyslam.net and look for our live coverage thread. And for all of my live reactions, follow me on Twitter @ItzMeItzMeItDBD; we’ll see you at 8 pm!
Welcome everyone to the Season Premiere of Raw! We are here in the Thunderdome and Raw marches to the beat of a new drum as their New Theme rings throughout. We catch a glimpse of our announce team but the mood sours as the Red Brand goes full crimson as Alex Bliss stands center ring and announces the arrival of Raw’s hottest draft acquisition, The Fiend, Bray Wyatt! He makes his way to the ring, the same cool, eerie demeanor that weaponizes against his opponents. As the Clown Prince of Raw and his Ward meet in the ring, we are interrupted by Retribution with their newly revealed leader in tow. As the hyenas descend upon their newly found targets, the lights fade once more and come up to an empty food bin for the ravaged canines. It’s dog eat dog though on Raw as Retribution is then jumped by their opponents for the night, The Hurt Business is in the office!
Retribution v. The Hurt Business
What better way to kick off a ne3w season of Raw than 8-Man Tag action as T-Bar and Bobby Lashley kick things off. The Hurt Business have been determined to put an end to the games played by Retribution and Lashley is in no mood to play as he opens with flare and shows T-Bar why he is considered The Almighty One. T-Bar would tag in stablemate Slapjack and Lashley would continue his assault. Alexander would tag in and continue building his impressive resume with his mixture of agility and stiff, stiff striking.
Hurt Business would continue with their beatdown of Retribution and it would finally be up to Ali to fight for the club’s honor. Ali would give it his all, sending Alexander crashing to the floor below where The Hurt Business would finally have enough of the games. The match nearly fell apart until an odd moderator sorted the situation.
The match would continue and the man who started this war, The Almighty Lashley would be the one to finish it, as he caught the massive T-Bar in his Full Nelson. T-Bar would be forced to submit but night was just beginning.
Matt Riddle v. AJ Styles
The true story of the evening would be Styles’ newest bodyguard as he has enlisted the services of former Raw Underground Doorman, Jordan Omogbehin.
The match would open and Riddle would take firm control of Styles with a series of Russian Gut Wrench Slams, showcasing Riddle’s impressive MMA background. Styles would find himself on the outside with Riddle poised to strike but the enormous bodyguard of Styles would make his presence known once again.
The match would return to the ring and Styles would gain control with a devastating gut buster. Riddle would bounce back and the match would be anyone’s to claim but once again, the gargantuan human in the corner of The Phenomenal One would interject again and cause Riddle to panic back into the ring for a waiting AJ Styles; who would hit the Styles Clash and secure the pinfall victory.
We return to Raw and it is The WWE Champion standing backstage where he delivers a message of clarity to his opponent, The Apex Predator, Randy Orton. McIntyre goes on to cite all of Orton’s accomplishments but vows that on Sunday, there will be no honor as McIntyre will finish this feud once and for all.
Lana v. Asuka: Raw Women’s Championship Match
Well it certainly proves that anything can happen in the WWE as Lana stands across from the Raw Women’s Champion, hoping to get her hands on the title. The true surprise would be Lana’s short-lived, glimmer of hope as she put the boots to Asuka for a time in this match. Asuka would survive the onslaught and make quick work of Lana, earning a submission victory. The real story would be the emergence of the Women’s Tag Team Champions, as they would look to establish their dominance on their new home. Poor Lana…
We return from commercial to the Women’s Tag Champs announcing their dominance of both Red and Blue Brand’s Women’s divisions, and hosting an open challenge that would be answered by three duos…
Riott Squad v. Mandy & Dana v. Lacey & Peyton v. Shayna & Nia Jax
Well, this Fatal-4-Way was certainly a surprise and things fell apart as all women involved look to establish their own dominance on the Red Brand.
We return to our show and the Riott squad are looking to pick up a win as Ruby hits a two count on Evans. Evans is tagged by Mandy Rose who comes in blind and hopes to catch a break. The match would slowly begin to unravel and the blind tags would only increase, but in the end, the Women’s Tag Champs would stand tall over all comers.
We return to the Season Premiere of Raw and it is musical interlude time as we Walk With Elias! Elias reminds the WWE Universe that he has his debut album dropping this Monday but in the meantime, he delivers a sample of what will come as he performs his single, Amen.
After a small backstage segment where Tucker from Heavy Machinery vowed to find a partner for tonight and but the beat down on Miz and Johnny Drip-Drip, we are met by none other than the WWE Raw Tag Champs as Kofi Kingston is set to go one on one with The Celtic Warrior, Sheamus, when we return from commercial break.
Kofi Kingston v. Sheamus
We return to Kofi and Woods trying to adjust to life without the E, but the King of Killjoy, Sheamus would interrupt the touching speech and spew his rhetoric of bullying and misery to try and keep the morale of The New Day at a low. But in typical New day fashion, those frowns would be turned upside down at the expense of The Celtic Warrior’s, “Ashy Ass” as New Day await the arrival of Kofi’s opponent to the canvas. The two vets would lock up and the power of Sheamus would be first on display but close behind would be the chain wrestling and creative in-ring IQ. it would appear to be clear skies for Kofi until the storm would blow in…
The match would continue and it would be Sheamus in full control after the slam on the outside. Sheamus would display his usual brand of ass-whooping, leaning on Kofi with a rear chin lock but Woods would discover a hidden gem among the WWE Universe as Big E would be looking on from within the Thunderdome!
Kofi would continue to fight through the slow, methodical, brutal beating of The Celtic Warrior, reversing every bit of notable offense Sheamus could muster. It would all lead to Sheamus’ demise as he was caught by the Trouble In Paradise and defeated by Kingston.
We cut to the back and Ali with his new band of Bane Wannabes as their fearless leader grumbles on about how no one on Raw is safe from his henchmen or his hacking ability; revealing that it was actually Ali who was the infamous Hacker from Smackdown a time ago.
And when we return from commercial break…
Miz & Morrison v. Los Heavy Machinery-os
I would be lying if I didn’t admit that I am in pieces right now as I listen to the interaction between Miz and Tucker’s new partner, El Gran Gordo
No, I’m not making this up folks… The bell rings and we are underway as Tucker opens things with Morrison. Both men would attempt to land a blow and Morrison would be the better of the two before tagging in The Miz. Miz would lay them in stiff as he still has some saltiness in his step with how Otis is behaving. The match would carry on until Tucker would finally tag in El Gran Gordo! Gordo would be met by a venomous Miz who would take his frustrations out directly onto the issue. It would appear as though Miz would get the pinfall but the 24/7 Champion would interrupt as he searched for solace from the likes of Drew Gulak and Akira Towzawa. It was just enough time for Gordo to capitalize and defeat the Miz!
But now we focus on Raw’s Debut episode of The Firefly Funhouse where Bray Wyatt is unpacking all of his baggage collected from his friends on Smackdown. Wyatt would speak of new beginnings and how now is the time for fun, but the best surprise…the best surprise was saved for last; as Wyatt introduced his newest friend, Alexa Bliss has entered the Firefly Funhouse.
Braun Strowman v. Keith Lee
With Ric Flair in virtual attendance, the bell rings and these two massive bison collide! Strowman opens with the lariat over the top combo’d with the Freight Train Shoulder. The mammoths would enter the ring again and Strowman would continue to beat down Lee, but he would make a fatal error as he looked to hoist Lee over his shoulder for the Running Powerslam. But the mass of Lee would be too much for Strowman’s busted ribs, courtesy of Roman Reigns. Lee would capitalize on his opening and begin to batter The Monster Among Men. Strowman would struggle to stand as Lee would lift him in hopes to set for The Spirit Bomb, but Strowman would have other plans as he would drive his head into the netherregions of Lee, unseen by the referee. Strowman would “earn” the victory but also a bit of retaliation from Lee in the form of a swift boot to the beans of Braun.
But now we return for Randy Orton’s, “Address from Hell” speech as we head into Sunday’s, Hell In A Cell, event. Randy would attempt deliver a very flowing and whimsical monologue about his past in the cell, but was interrupted by WWE Champion, Drew McIntyre. Orton would taunt the champion as he had locked the cell doors from the inside, but McIntyre came prepared with a Plan B as he pulled bolt cutters from behind the barricade. McIntyre would cut the chain and enter the cell as the cameras fade to black and our Season Premiere of Raw has to come to a finale.
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