My name is Topher McCann (co-host of ‘the jaBROnis’) and I will be here every week breaking down Monday Night RAW . . . jaBROnis style!
Last week, we were left wondering if Shayna Baszler was murdered by a doll, but not just any doll, this doll is LILLY! The excitement and my sarcasm could not be any higher, so let’s get into this week’s show!
Alexa starts us off with a much needed recap of last week and let’s us know that Lilly has been put in time out. Nia “waltzed” onto Alexa’s Playground and informed her that Shayna will be seeing Alexa this Sunday at the PPV. [Sidenote: Where the f*** is Reginald!] I’m only assuming Shayna is alive and possibly still stuck in that dark room. Alexa accepts Nia’s challenge to a match and we are in full blown LFG mode!
Nikki Cross vs. Charlotte
It is pure comical how the commentators try to put over Nikki Cross because she can avoid being pinned or submitted for 120 seconds on consecutive weeks. Also, the fact that they have her running around, dancing on tables and celebrating these victories are insane. Regardless, the world is apparently talking about it so everybody better get with the times! We have Rhea show up almost immediately to cause a distraction roll up for Nikki, but Charlotte kicked out because there’s no way that Charlotte would lose due to nonsense ever again! Low and behold, Charlotte took out Nikki on the floor and then began to taunt Rhea. Charlotte didn’t realize the ref was counting and Nikki rolled back in the ring in time for the countout victory. This of course led to Nikki running around the ring celebrating (as one would normally do) until being taking out with a boot by Charlotte. Luckily for us, Rhea came in for the save with a Riptide to Charlotte and put us out of our misery!
We cut to a backstage conversation with a robotic-like Jeff Hardy and Riddle. Jeff explains to Riddle (while completely sounding like a robot) that he should listen and trust Randy Orton. Jeff then vanished and Randy appeared to let Riddle know that he wants Riddle to be Riddle, whatever that means.
Jeff Hardy vs. John Morrison
We instantly get Johnny Drip Drip spraying Jeff Hardy with his Drip Stick during his entrance. Not too long after the match begins, we get another interruption when Cedric’s music hits. Sir Drip Drip soon hit the Starship Pain for the victory which led to Cedric grabbing the mic and setting up a retirement match with Jeff starting . . . NOW!
Jeff Hardy vs. Cedric Alexander
Jeff Hardy is not losing a random retirement match to Cedric Alexander on RAW. He hits the Twist of Fate and Swanton to get the victory. I have no clue about the booking of these guys. Why did they break up The Hurt Business again? Why is Jeff losing to Lieutenant Drip Drip and then instantly in a retirement match? And where the F*** is REGINALD?!
Eva Marie vs. Naomi
I loved everything about this just because I know how much everyone will cry about it. Eva Marie got Piper Niven (NXT UK) to wrestle Naomi for her. After seeing our second Michinoku driver of the night, we saw Piper get the 1-2-3 on Naomi. We then had Eva grab the mic to declare… Eva Marie the WINNER! Oh my, your tears taste so, so good!
We then had basically the only two tag teams in the women’s division getting in a confrontation because if not, why have tag titles?
Drew McIntyre also rambled on for about 7 minutes about Big Willy (Will Smith?) and an army or something. It ended with him saying he will beat Lashley this Sunday and once again be WWE Champion.
The New Day vs. RK-Bro
One of the brightest things about RAW has been RK-Bro and that did not change this week. All four men put on a great match that ended with an RKO to Woods for the victory. Riddle and Randy’s stock together continues to rise and the possibilities are endless on where you could go with it.
Asuka vs. Rhea Ripley (I’m not kidding, I’m really not kidding!)
I’ve seen so many disappointing matches between these two but apparently I have no clue what the hell I’m talking about, so why not one more! They have completely no chemistry with each other and that continued in this match. We had Rhea hit the Riptide for the victory but was instantly attacked by Charlotte before officials came down and broke it up.
The Almighty ‘Hot’ Bobby Lashley, while hanging with his beautiful women, proclaimed that he will publicly execute Drew McIntyre on Sunday and place his head on a stake. Hell in a Cell is not f***ing around this year at all!
Alexa Bliss vs. Nia Jax
A Reginald-less Nia made her way out to take on crazy ass Alexa Bliss. While watching this match, I was imagining how awesome the match would be if Reginald would just show up. Then out of nowhere, there’s good old Reggie! Alexa hit Twisted Bliss but Reginald broke up the pinfall to give Alexa the DQ victory. Alexa then put our national treasure, Reginald, in some sort of trance or spell until Nia snapped him out of it. She better knock that s*** off and leave Reggie alone!
Elias vs. Zack Ryder Jaxson Ryder Jaxson Ryker
Elias decided to just let himself get counted out again this week, giving the BROski Ryker the victory. As long as they keep jamming countouts and Michinoku drivers down my dumb face-mouth, they have a fan for life!
Drew McIntyre & The Viking Raiders vs. AJ Styles, Omos & Bobby Lashley
This started off as Drew vs. AJ in a singles match but soon enough, Hot Bobby and the Viking Raiders got involved. Bobby attacked Drew, causing a DQ but the Viking Raiders were there for the save. Cut to commercial and we return from break to 6-man tag action! I loved how Lashley went to the back to slip out the suit and throw on some boots. They tried to do some shenanigans with AJ trying to tag in Omos but instead he tagged in Lashley. It came off as awkward but besides that, we inevitably saw Drew hit the Claymore on Lashley for the victory. This story they are telling here did not need to last nearly 40 minutes but again, what the hell do I know! I’m just a 34 year old little boy with dreams and aspirations of being a big boy one day. Regardless, Bobby needs to finish this nonsense once and for all this Sunday at Hell In A Cell!
That does it for the go home RAW before this Sunday’s Hell In A Cell PPV. Look for an all new episode of ‘the jaBROnis’ this weekend where the jaBROni World Championship will be on the line. We will make our picks for Hell In A Cell, breakdown the week in wrestling, plus give out our jaBROni of the week!
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