Another year, another summer about to be slammed. Detroit, Michigan hosts the titular premium live event, and hosts some hot matches. Un-hosted, however, are the two women’s matches that were set to take place – Becky Lynch’s intense rivalry with Trish Stratus has been postponed, as is the big mama feud between Rhea Ripley and Raquel Rodriguez because WWE decided we should snap into a Slim Jim instead. Plus Logan Paul and Ricochet flipping around is important, can’t forget that. Seriously, why advertise if you’re not going to go through with it? Despite these personal grievances, I genuinely think there are some incredible treats headed our way with the matches. Let’s dig in, shall we?
Slim Jim SummerSlam Battle Royal
The days of Randy Savage may regrettably be gone, but his love of snapping into Slimmie Jimmies will never die. Confirmed participants thus far include LA Knight, Sheamus, Otis, Chad Gable, Shinsuke Nakamura, and Tommaso Ciampa. Undoubtedly the victor is likely going to be WWE’s mascot of the beef sticks sold at your local grocery/Wal-Mart/dollar store.
Ricochet vs Logan Paul
The fast-pace, frenetic vibe of these two is set to be so adrenalizing that it will probably be as heart-stopping as the highly caffeinated energy drinks sold by a certain social media influencer. That’s about all I have on this one – I’m not terribly excited about it.
Ronda Rousey vs Shayna Baszler
The recent video package describing the personal rivalry of these former MMA fighters has completely sold me on this match. I feel a connection to this, the first time I had felt that way about Ronda since 2019 and Shayna Baszler since her time as a monster in NXT before Vince told us to go collectively screw ourselves with expectations of her on the main roster.
Seth Rollins (c) vs Finn Balor (WWE World Heavyweight Championship)
Though he’s lost time and time again, the Irish Prince sets his sights once again on The Visionary’s gold. Of course he would, because he was champion at one point, taken away the very next night due to injury. Then setback after setback, plus an incredible run in NXT. Balor’s night is here, but could it also come at the expense of a certain holder of the Money in the Bank briefcase?
Gunther (c) vs Drew McIntyre (WWE Intercontinental Championship)
The Ring General crosses paths with the Scottish Warrior in what’s going to be an absolute scorcher. The pair were already in a five-star match at WrestleMania, so be ready to see a slobberknocker. The mean mug of Gunther might traverse to a spot of worry and panic, but Drew knows he’s not getting off easy, either. Truth be told, as much as I love Drew as a talent, I hope Gunther picks up the victory and maintains his aura as undefeatable. He’s so close to surpassing The Honky Tonk Man’s record, so please WWE – give me this. Drew can wait. Plus there’s little for Gunther to do until maybe Roman Reigns loses his championship or until whoever is World Heavyweight Championship’s reign becomes stale. I cannot stress this enough – keep the strap around Imperium’s waist.
Asuka (c) vs Bianca Belair vs Charlotte Flair (WWE Women’s Championship)
This triple threat involves the well-deserved champion Asuka, as she battles to retain her gold off of the woman she won it from in Saudi Arabia, the EST, Bianca Belair. Looming in the distance, however, is Charlotte Flair. She’s won enough titles, so she can sit this out. I want to see Bianca discover herself without the gold for a bit. Belair has a long reign and her legacy will be golden because of it. If anyone should take it off of The Empress, I honestly wouldn’t mind seeing it go to Iyo Sky, whether she cashes in her MitB briefcase or not.
Cody Rhodes vs Brock Lesnar
A rubber match, this one determines who will go 2-1 in this war. Cody needs to overcome so he can resume his title pursuits again. He needs to slay the beast – but Lesnar is a warrior baptized in blood. Could Cody overcome a man beyond myth? An American Dream alone is not enough, but maybe a Nightmare could be strong, strong to topple a giant. Then, maybe then, Lesnar will step aside and let Cody resume where he left off.
Roman Reigns (c) vs Jey Uso (Tribal Combat for the Undisputed WWE Universal Championship & Recognition as Tribal Chief)
Goodness gracious, that was a long description to type. Felt like I was writing a Fall Out Boy song title. I think this is like a No DQ match, which either means no disqualification or no Dairy Queen ice cream. This comes off the end of a Bloodline riddled three years. Could Jey do what no one else has been able to do and dethrone Roman, unseating him from power? He has, after all, held a pinfall victory over The Head of the Table. There’s also the matter of Solo Sikoa to consider – will he stay with Roman or change sides? And if Jey wins, what next? Could he possibly be able to take the reigns (heh) of what Roman has accomplished, or will he fall, with the caveat being that he doesn’t have to worry about being under his cousin’s thumb anymore? One thing is certain, people will call this cinema, whether people on social media like it or not.
There we have it, folks. A night of a WWE event held in America once more. Controversy heading in, considering one of 2022’s best women’s match took place with three incredible women returnees, now a night with only two women’s matches. Some great bouts will be held, but will we still be talking about it for years to come?
Watch Summerslam at 5ᴘᴍ ET/ 6ᴘᴍ CT on Peacock or WWE Network.
