Something Called ‘Trumpy Trout’ Airs on AEW Collision and What the Fuck?
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Viewers of AEW Collision were surprised — and unsettled — on Saturday night as, during the picture-in-picture commercial in the middle of a tag team match pitting The Outrunners vs Grizzled Young Vets, a commercial aired, extolling the virtues of something called…
*checks notes*
Ahem. “Trumpy Trout.” It’s called “Trumpy Trout.” And it promises to “Make Fishing Great Again!”
This commercial, featuring former president Donald Trump’s as the voice of, uhm, a fish, is attempting to sell the wall decoration to the masses. Because of course it is.
“Trumpy Trout is an animatronic talking fish with a big personality,” the commercial professed.
And then, to show viewers just how much this…fish…sounds like Donald Trump…it offered up an example of, presumably, one of the Several Different Catchphrases(!) that the wall-mounted Trumpy Trout declares.
“You’ve never seen a fish like me,” the Trump-cum-Trout boasts. “I am the Hugely and Biggliest fish in the pond.”
The commercial then urges viewers to watch the trout’s “large mouth move” as it makes “speech after speech in high fidelity.”
The Trump Trout then proceeds to, well, talk shit, we guess, on the “other fish in the sea.” More specifically, the bass. Trumpy Trout HATES the bass fish. In fact, Trumpy Trout, much like his pucker-faced predecessor, promised to make an even bigger pond AND make that son of a bitch bass pay for it!
So anyway. Trumpy Trout is $60. Plus shipping and handling. And they’re limited. Like, extremely limited. Like, they probably only made seven of them because that’s how many weirdos are actually going to buy it. It comes with a certificate of authenticity as well!
Wait a minute.
Wait just a goddamn minute.
THERE’S A DELUXE VERSION OF THE TRUMPY TROUT!! IT COMES WITH HAIR!!! And a stand! And a motherfucking jingle!
“He is the greatest trout, without a doubt,” the jingle…jingles.
Then, Trumpy Trout threw shade one more time at that son of a bitch bass. And then viewers were encouraged to visit trumpytrout.com to order their very own Trumpy Trout.
I don’t know, man. I don’t know why this exists. I especially don’t know why a commercial for it aired during AEW Collision. Ad dollars, I guess. Money can’t buy happiness, but it can buy you the Trumpy Trout. And that’s as close to happiness as someone can be, in my estimation.
Follow Nick on Twitter/X at @WesternRebel
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